MEN: Going bald? It's not as bad as you think!

I know, I know. I'm broaching on a delicate subject. But somebody has to talk about it. I'll be as gentle as I can. "Hey loser, is your hair abandoning your head faster than rats from a sinking ship?" Was that gentle enough? For what it's worth, I suffer the same fate. I too create a glare under bright lights. So, what are we to do about it? Well, the first thing to do is to STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT! Worry fuels stress and stress can do terrible things to a person. One example, make their hair fall out. So, the more you worry, the more you lose. Chill out, dude. You have options!

OPTION # 1
Embrace your baldness.
Guys, do you still adhere to the notion that baldness is a sign of being emasculated? Not true. Do you think anyone ever pointed a finger at Yul Brynner and laughed? How about calling Telly Savales a "sissy boy?" Vin Diesel a "girlie man?" I think not! Would you want to play basketball against Michael Jordan? Tell Bruce Willis his Die Hard movies suck? Point out to Curly of Three Stooges fame that he's NOT a ladies man? Alright, maybe the last one isn't such a good analogy, but you get my drift. Today, bald has a new definition. A different perception. If you feel powerless over your hair loss, seize control. Take a razor to your head and claim victory! YOU now have the final word on the subject. YOU have chosen to be bald, not the other way around. I myself opted for that shiny smooth look. Unfortunately, the combination of my oddly shaped egg head together with my goatee AND my rather large frame, added up to me looking like a mass murderer. Not the kind of guy you want to take home to 'meet the parents!' In fact, after seeing a snapshot taken of me, I quickly let whatever I had grow back in. So, I am not a good example. But, if you think you have a nicely shaped head, consider the razor. If, on the other hand, bald is definitely not an option for you, then consider.....

OPTION #2
Pharmaceuticals
Wouldn't you know it but purely by accident some people taking the blood pressure drug Minoxidil started to grow hair on their heads. Go figure! Today, there is Rogaine. The makers of Rogaine state that "only some may experience hair growth on very specific areas of the scalp." Not very reassuring. If that little tidbit of information doesn't deter you, consider this: A one year supply will average you about $220.00. Now, how about potential side affects like: Rapid heart beat, chest pain, light headedness, dizziness, sudden unexplained weight gain (think Uncle Fester of Addams family fame) water retention, scalp irritation, the list goes on and on. Still not deterred? How does that saying go, "Fools rush in............."

OPTION #3
Science.
Men in white lab coats yielding scalpels have come up with a solution: Implant someone else's dead hair into your head. Gross! But, look at the upside: you'll never need a haircut again! Not for you? How about having hair taken from the back of your head where it's still growing strong and having it surgically implanted on your bald spot? This can also be done. But, you'd better have deep pockets for those two. Is money tight during this sinking economy? Consider..........

OPTION #4
Have a rug installed over your flesh floor.
A WIG! Right! No one will ever guess! No one will ever notice how one day you resembled Sean Connery but the next day you looked like Howard Stern. No one will ever notice that you NEVER need a haircut or the forever absence of gray. Of course the upside is that after 30 years your hairstyle will finally be back in vogue. Isn't that comforting?

OPTION #5
The comb over and the perennial baseball cap. The first suggestion is sadder than the end of Titanic and the second one never works well when you are in a three piece suit or a tux. Unless of course, you're Michael Moore. I do not recommend either of these.

So, in closing, it is my personal view that you should opt for option #1. It's the manly thing to do. And for all you men out there already bald who choose to grow that great big beard and moustache, here's an observation: You look like Lenin. No, not the Beatle, the communist!