HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?!

One of the definitions of the word “Trend” is “A current style,” which forms the basis for this column. It seems that a current trend among certain individuals is to wear their pants far below the comfort height of the masses. While it is within every persons right to express their individuality, there comes a point where such expression borders on ridiculousness and just plain out bad taste. Let’s examine the how’s and why’s of this trend together.

How did it start?
I can only imagine that some youngster, somewhere, had the misfortune to come upon a plumber kneeling before a kitchen cabinet exposing his butt to an unsuspecting world. This youngster, being the innovative leader that he was decided, “Hmmm…I can beat THAT!” and set forth to place his belt loops where no belt loops had gone before. HE was a pioneer. HE was a trendsetter. Sadly, everyone after him who sought to lower their “expectations” was a copycat, a follower, an imitator. It was merely a matter of time before belt loops reached a new low. No one likes to be outdone!

Why would you wear your pants on your thighs? I can only guess at a few reasons.
1) These young men all suffer from I.B.S. (irritable bowel syndrome for those that didn’t know) and have to be able to un belt and squat at a moments notice. Pulling down your pants in a crisis just takes too much time.
2) Maybe all these young men suffer from too much gas from eating spicy foods and this allows them the means to “air out” so to speak. Good for them, bad for us.
3) Maybe it is an attempt to capture the opposite sex. Giving the girls a preview of what’s to come, albeit hidden behind long, cotton, boxers. Kind of like driving a car before you buy it.
4) Maybe it is a way to attract the SAME sex. Let’s be honest boys, you’re showing us the BACK HALF versus the FRONT HALF! Just a theory, of course.
5) Maybe it is a concerted conspiracy by the producers of “Fruit of the loom,” “Hanes,” and “Calvins,’ for a new type of “Product placement,” using men’s behinds as cheap billboards. I’m just sayin’…………..
6) Maybe it is just a statement and that statement is, “I just don’t care anymore about modesty!”

Viewing this trend strictly from a fashion point of view, BOXERS! REALLY! Is that the BEST you can do? They are antiquated at best, have the worst patterns on the planet and do nothing to enhance a young males physique. If you are going to show us something, at least be innovative enough to show us some bikini briefs or go all out and put on that thong that you’ve been hiding in your nightstand. THAT would REALLY set a TREND!

There are many things one cannot do whilst wearing pants around ones thighs. Running is one, climbing would be another, certainly a job interview would not go well as would being best man at your buddies wedding. Unless of course, his pants are around his ankles too. Imagine you are walking to a job interview and a Bengal tiger escapes from the local zoo and he is heading your way. You can’t even run to that tree to save your life. See what a problem this can cause?

Lastly, what this trend does is embarrass people. Who? Women, old, young, married, single, widowed, and in nuns habits. The two people embarrassed the most? Their parents, because this means that they have failed to do a good job. And no parent wants to see their kid walking around with his butt hanging out. THAT usually stops around age five.
Pull your pants up and think of another way to express your individuality. And put the belt companies out of business in the process.
Peace.

ADVICE FOR ALL: ALTERNATIVE CARE FOR AILING LOVED ONES.

People get sick. It's a fact of life. We get colds and the flu and suffer through it until the virus runs its course and leaves us. Those ailments are generally not life threatening. But what about those illnesses where our bodies betray us? The "terminal" illnesses. The illnesses that make us weak, bedridden and slowly rob us of our quality of life. When people have lost all hope, when doctors are helpless, is when it is time to provide as much comfort as possible for those whose days are short. Languishing away in a hospital bed seems to me to be the worst option. There is an alternative: Hospice.

Hospice care is available for those who choose to live out their remaining days in the comfort of their home surrounded by their loved ones. The same care is provided to those who are in nursing homes or assisted living situations. Hospice care is for those individuals who no longer need aggressive care but who are in need of comfort care. Hospice care will treat a patient's symptoms that inhibit their quality of life, including managing their pain.

Each patient will normally get a case manager, usually a registered nurse who has been trained in hospice care. The hospice nurse works closely with the patient and their doctor to ensure that all the patient's needs are met. Most hospice services attach a team of helpers to assist the hospice nurse. A nurse will have social workers, aids who will make sure the patient is clean and kept comfortable, and spiritual care to assist the families of patients and the patients themselves. Good hearted folks will volunteer their time to visit with hospice patients to sit and keep them company, sometimes shop for groceries or join patients who would like to pass some time by taking part in light arts and crafts. Most hospice services will also provide 24 hour on-call services in case of emergency.

If someone you know and love has reached the end of their life and you feel that their last days should be spent in the comfort of their home where loved ones can visit anytime, consider hospice. Hospice care in most cases is provided free of charge.

Love or money? The Tiger Woods debate.

Didn't I just recently write an article about how men can easily take a relationship and flush it down the toilet? I guess a certain golf player missed that one. Which luckily, gives me a topic to expand on today. By now, unless you live in a cave, you know that golf wonder boy Tiger Woods is guilty (by his own words) of "transgressions." It never ceases to amaze me the vast number of colloquial terms we have invented to describe our mistakes. When we lie, it's a "fib" or a "white lie." Why does adding a color to it make it okay? Is a "black lie" worse? When we steal, it's called a "misappropriation" or "shoplifting." When we kill someone it's called "manslaughter." If a man accidentally kills a woman, shouldn't it be called "womanslaughter?" Well, it's not and you know why? Because "womanslaughter" sounds way too terrible. "Manslaughter" sounds much better. But I digress. Back to the Tiger. HE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE! BROKE HIS MARRIAGE VOW! Allegedly, not with one, not with two, but with THREE WOMEN!! That's three life sentences in HELL if you believe in that sort of thing. "Transgressions" indeed!

         WOMENS DAY magazine recently conducted a poll asking women "would you stay if your husband cheated?" Of the women polled, 35% said "yes" while 65% said "no." "Maybe" and "it depends" were not options. This tells me that out of every one hundred  women at least thirty-five have been cheated on. But I'm willing to bet that the number is MUCH higher. So sad. What is wrong with men? Is making a lifetime commitment to just one woman so impossible? Is being in love and making love to the same woman so painful? Is just a few minutes of self-gratification with a different woman worth losing the one you have? Look, if you're a man who can't keep it in his pants then you have no business being married. Lying and cheating on your spouse is not fair to her. In the grand scheme of things a divorce is far less painful to a woman than  having her husband cheat on her. It is degrading to her and totally saps her self-esteem. THAT is something you do to your enemies, not to the woman who you considered your friend and wife.

           But apparently, on the subject of Tiger's "transgressions," most of the comments from men that I read on message boards seem to slap him on the back or encourage his bad behavior. He is now the hero of most ignorant men and the scourge of faithful women. And what does the media make of all this? "How will this hurt the TIGER WOODS brand?" Give me a break. He took a backhoe and dug himself a giant hole. Are we to feel sorry for him? Should we forget the whole thing? Frankly, I don't really care what happens to him. I only feel one thing: empathy towards his poor wife for having to suffer through this. BUT WAIT A MINUTE! She is not poor. On the contrary, she was just offered $5,000,000 to stay with her husband AND her revised pre-nup will give her an additional $55,000,000 if she stays for a total of ten years. Oh how silly of me, I forgot how boat loads of cash make up for everything and help people to forget. Right.

          When events like this happen, women are the losers. The message is clear: men, go ahead and cheat. If you've got enough money in the bank you can fix it. All can be undone with cash. Nothing will change until men view women as equals. Until they can see the world through their eyes. Until THEY have to go through life wondering when THEIR spouse will toss promises to the wind and cheat on them.

         On Sunday, December 6, I am getting married. My fiance and I have written our own vows, or promises if you like, and I intend to keep mine. When two people find each other and realize that no other substitutes will do, shouldn't a simple promise to be faithful be enough? If, as a man, you can't unequivocally answer "yes," then you have no business being married. Peace.

Too much information

Privacy n., pl. -cies 1 a being private; seclusion 2 secrecy 3 one’s private life.
There was a time when the only information offered up by an individual to an unconcerned world was their inherent religious beliefs. Jews wore yarmulkes, Mennonite women wore baskets on their heads, Amish men wore straw hats, east Indians had dots on their foreheads and so on and so forth. These simple attributes provided information about a person without uttering a single word. A simple gold band or a diamond worn on the fourth finger of the left hand also provided enough information as to whether a person was single or attached. Skin color, eye color, hair color, and eye shape also provide information about an individual.
Long ago, there were certain situations called, “secrets.” If you had one, the object was to not release the information hidden inside the secret. The secret could have been about any number of things: a secret love, a secret pregnancy, a secret crime, secret plans, secret hideaways, secret preferences for a mate. People used to tell each other secrets and swear them to secrecy. The whole concept seems lost in that respect. Occasionally a secret would “get out” meaning someone didn’t hold up their end of the bargain.
Where am I leading with all this? Too much information. It’s the latest catch phrase of the decade. Privacy is dead and buried. And for enough money, you can purchase the contents of a lot of secrets. How did all this happen? I blame “Divorce Court.” If you grew up watching black and white television, then you can remember divorce court. It was in essence the beginning of “Reality T.V.” We would watch in awe as husbands and wives aired their dirty laundry for the world to see, while a judge listened intently before rendering a final decision. It was the ultimate, “fly on the wall” experience. The mildest form of voyeurism. But that wasn’t enough. No, we had to have more. The television show, “The Dating Game” provided America with yet more unsolicited information regarding certain “average Jane” females likes and dislikes towards eligible bachelors. And they in turn volunteered even more juicy, personal and private information. Day after day, week after week, year after year. The same genius behind the dating game also gave us, “The Newlywed Game.” It was inevitable. Push the envelope of privacy just a little bit further. I have to admit, I laughed like a mental patient at some of the answers given. The obvious object of the show was to entertain, but in the process, doors that were meant to be closed were unceremoniously opened. Discretion would be weighed and flaunted. Secrets were no longer guarded with vigor. The “People’s Court” saw to that. Judge Wapner became a household name and a viable celebrity.
Soon, even more signs of unwanted information began to appear. “Mood Rings” came along to alert us all to whether someone was suicidal, homicidal or horny. Pregnant women rode the bandwagon with their BABY tee-shirts, letting the south pointing arrow do the explaining. At least that bit of info. answered the unasked question: too much pizza and beer? Soccer moms hung their “baby on board” signs from their mini-vans and station wagons. More unsolicited information. Did I really need to know that? Was that meant to squash any premeditated notion of myself gleefully ramming my car into the back of theirs? I think not. Oh, and lets not forget bumper stickers. Aren’t we all better off knowing that so-and-so’s child is an honor roll student at such-and-such school? For some, cars are just rolling billboards enabling them to provide us with too much information.
Tattoos are certainly a colorful way to share someone’s information. Names, dates, locations, religious persuasion and even gender bias can all be gleaned from inked skin. I think of it as someone just screaming for attention. Kind of like people who write columns on wacky subjects. Hmmmnn…… anyway, cell phone users fall into the category of individuals providing us with too much of their information. First off, it’s a phone. It’s not two tin cans tied together by string. You don’t have to yell into it for the person on the other end to hear you. Unless of course the other person is deaf. I am tired of inadvertently eavesdropping on other people’s conversations. You are not that important. Your life is not that intriguing. I don’t care what you have to say. And the high tech geeks with “Star Trek” phones pierced through their upper earlobes sound like schizophrenics walking down the street talking to themselves. We used to run away from people like that!
That wonderful invention “The internet” is now providing millions with the opportunity to tell all the world about themselves. “Youtube,” “Myspace,” “Facebook,” are just a few examples of where one can go to gain further unwanted information. We can hear about this one’s rehab stint or that one’s relationship break-up or everyone’s divorce plans even before the parties involved know about it. There are no more secrets. Lives are open books for anyone to read. Papparazzi are every where and are taking pictures of everything. Camera’s in cell phones. Wire taps on land lines. Reality shows permeate the airwaves. Where will it all end? The other day while sitting outside my favorite coffee house, a young woman walked by wearing a tee-shirt that read: nobody knows I’m a lesbian. I thought, “gee, nobody knows that I’m heterosexual, but thanks for sharing!”