The 'DO' and 'DON'T' of Internet Dating

For all you folks out there in cyberland, either in the middle of or about to embark on using Internet dating sites as a way to get shot in the butt by 'Cupid', here is some invaluable advice.
1) Pick a site. Gee, how they have multiplied! Today, there are plenty to choose from. Some sites act as nothing more than a database where you the user do all the work, navigating from profile to profile trying to determine winners from losers, sane from stark raving mad, saints from sinners. If challenges are what you seek out of life, go with these. Other sites require you to fill out PAGES AND PAGES of information regarding EVERYTHING from 'favorite color' to 'if you saw a person crossing the street carrying a 'WOOLWORTH'S' bag and they were hit by a speeding ambulance carrying a heart attack victim whose wife cheats on him, would you shop at 'WOOLWORTH'S'? THESE sites do most of the matchmaking chores for you providing you with the number one person for you on the planet. Good luck with that! I'm a strong believer in balance, so find a site that helps as much as possible but gives you plenty of options. Remember, variety is the spice of life. I think a Sultan said that.
2) LIES, LIES, NOTHING BUT LIES! Everyone knows what a lie is. Our mothers taught us about those. Remember how soap tastes? Sorry to bring back painful memories but I had to make a point. Every site you choose will make you fill out a PROFILE. This is what represents you to the love searching world. This is where you will provide pertinent information about yourself. This is where you will lie! And we all know about lies. They can lie dormant for years until one day they show up at your door. Then, the truth comes out. So, where am I going with this? When filling out your initial profile information you will be confronted with questions like: AGE, BODY TYPE, PERSONALITY, LIKES AND DISLIKES, etc., etc. You will be given a list of choices to answer all of these questions. This is where you'll want to lie, but this is the most important place to be honest. 'AGE' is the easiest place to lie. Don't fall into this trap. If you type in 41 but in reality look like your grandmother or grandfather, there's going to be some 'splaning to do. Nobody likes surprises. Under 'BODY TYPE', if you've put on a few extra pounds since high school graduation, be honest. Type it in. If you are so thin that your feet leave the ground when the wind blows, type that too. Again, no one likes surprises. Be honest about your 'LIKES' and 'DISLIKES' choices too. If you click on the 'CANDLES' choice for 'LIKES' and the only wax that can be found in your house is in your ears, YOU'RE LYING!
3) DON'T SPILL THE BEANS! It is not necessary to write every single nuance about yourself. Leave something for the imagination. Be a little mysterious. Not, 'UNI BOMBER' mysterious, but leave some things out for later conversations, or for revelations during that ride to 'meet the parents'. Save some of yourself so you'll be interesting. If not, you'll have nothing to say to each other during that all important 'first date'. Can you say, "Awkward silence?"
4) FOOLS RUSH IN! Anybody know the difference between love and infatuation? Good!, so you all know that a small profile picture and some words on paper don't always measure up when face to face. Let's say that you've found someone interesting on your dating site and they are interested in you too. You've spent a week and a half exchanging emails, chatting on the phone, flirting a little and a fondness has developed between you. Finally, the night of the big date comes. You meet, but after five minutes you both realize there is NO chemistry between you and sadly you both go home feeling lonely and depressed. Happens all the time. One way to keep this from happening is to limit email and phone conversations between you and your new 'possible' but meet each other at a neutral, busy place like a coffee shop or a bookstore. Set up the meeting after only a few days so as to not have too many expectations unmet. In essence, keep your heart guarded until you've met and let nature take it's natural course.
5) IT'S A NUMBERS GAME! The odds that you'll meet Mr./Ms. right on the first date are like me getting a guest shot on 'OPRAH'(but there's always hope!) Take it from me, you are going to go on a lot of dates before you hit the jackpot. And this is good. It will keep you from 'settling' on the first person with a pulse. And whatever you do, NEVER ACCEPT A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL ON THE FIRST DATE! Unless of course, the other person has a Lear jet, chateau in the Swiss alps and a Ferrari!
Happy hunting. Ray.