ADVICE FOR WOMEN: AVOID THIS MISTAKE.

If you're a reader of this blog, by now you may know my opinion of men. I blame them for most of the world's strife and for not striving to become better human beings. But, not all men fall into these categories. Time nor space allows me to name all the good men on the planet but each and every one of us knows one or more. As time passes and I grow older and hopefully wiser, I have noticed a condition or set of circumstances that contribute or cause families to break down and fall apart. I have watched couples that I have known through the years grow further apart and ultimately divorce. I believe I have uncovered a universal root cause: Women tend to ignore their husbands when children are added to a relationship. If your view of women is of the caretaker, then this is a natural thing and should not be looked upon as a fault. In general, women spend much more time with their children unless they have a stay at home dad and the wife is the main provider. Unfortunately, in today's society, both mother and father need to work to support a family. Back to the subject at hand. Of the couple's I have known, in every single instance where divorce divided the family, one key ingredient was always missing: true, unquestionable, love. They never truly loved each other. Most were high school sweethearts that thought marriage was the next logical step in their relationship. But the love we experience when we're young isn't always strong enough to keep a relationship going when kids are thrown into the mix. Couple the fact that most men are selfish and self-centered with a wife whose children demand most of her attention and time, and it's no wonder most men feel ignored and useless. They distance themselves from the family, spend time with their buddies or go off on their own, counting the days until they can leave.

I am not pointing the finger of blame at any one person. I am merely stating the obvious. Men need to take more of an active role in raising children. If a marriage is a partnership then both parents should work in unison. If a man comes home from work after a long day, drops himself on the couch and gets sucked into the T.V. set, he's going to miss out on a lot. By the same token, a woman needs to divide her time between her children and her man. But, some men are already absent from the relationship by the time the kids come along. No amount of attention or inclusion is going to make them stay. Here is where that initial bond of true love comes into play. If it wasn't there in the beginning, and the kids take all of mommy's time, the relationship is doomed. Another big mistake that women make is thinking that by adding some children into a "rocky" marriage, they will be the cement that binds them. This action can go either way, but in every scenario that I have seen this happen, the results were always the same: A long, loveless marriage where the kids are the pawns and suffer in the end.

So, my advice is plain: Marry someone that you are truly in love with. Let children be the result of that love. Let the job of raising them be a joint effort and never take your partner for granted.

Three little words that can move mountains.

Of all the words in the English language, there are three that can stand alone and have three separate meanings. They each contain just one syllable and can be arranged in such a way that they convey a different idea each time. But there is one arrangement that's extra special. For the sake of time and space, let's call this arrangement number 1. 1 has the amazing ability to connect things that normally aren't connected. For instance, a young man and his first car. A young girl to her first pet. Another amazing feat for 1 is its ability to provide certainty in uncertain times. Like when someone you know makes a giant mistake or takes you for granted. 1 can be yelled or whispered. It can be flown on a banner behind a plane or found nestled in a tiny black box. 1 can be translated into any language on the planet and still mean the same in all. 1 can be read with the eyes or felt with the soul. 1 can be said to anyone and anything. 1 turns sorrow into joy and strangers into friends. 1 can apply to the young or old, black or white, male or female, man to man or mother to son. 1 has the power to move mountains but it is seldom uttered. 1 is the most important thing to know in life. 1 can also be said to ourselves when we are at our lowest point.1 is tossed around at family reunions and holidays, and whispered to those we know when laid to rest. 1 is what every child should hear from it's parents. And parents from every child. From brother to sister and vice-versa. 1 should be heard from every patriot to their nation and from every enemy to their foe. 1 should be cherished between any two people who care to share it. 1 removes doubt and mystery. It needs to be said daily and often. What are the three little words that make up number 1: I love You.

For Women only : Understanding Men and why they do what they do.

*Editors note*  I may be at risk of alienating a small portion of the male species with this following article but the men that I point a finger at don't necessarily read these types of articles anyway. I do not claim to know every man, nor do I claim to be a perfect man. I am merely providing my opinion and observations. I call 'em the way I see 'em. Any intelligent man reading this will most likely not see themselves included in some of the generalizations that lie ahead. -ed.

Men. How I hate to be lumped into that group. But I am a man, guilty of some of the mistakes that accompany being a man, but I try to rise above. As an observer of men, I have a bit of insight into why they act and behave as they do. I believe women are entitled to share in this information to help them understand. Here goes!

Men are idiots. Not all, but most. History has provided  large numbers of men who defy my first statement, but mostly, they're idiots. Only a man would yell, "Hey! Watch this!." Which usually leads to sirens, paramedics, fire hoses, destruction of property, bandages and casts. A woman would never do this. The ensuing laughter caused by the aforementioned scenario is usually attributed to women. Men shoot each other while hunting in the woods. How big of an idiot do you have to be to mistake a two hundred twenty pound man wearing a bright red hat for a fawn? Even deer laugh at those guys. Men blow limbs off making bombs. Men kill each other over a pair of sneakers. Men routinely destroy perfectly good relationships with women for the most ridiculous reasons. Let's dig deeper into that one, shall we?

Besides being idiots, most men have zero confidence. Why? Maybe they weren't nurtured as a child. Maybe they were constantly put down, humiliated or compared to another child, their own shortcomings always being pointed out. Any number of issues can result in low self-esteem or lack of confidence. In a relationship with a woman is where a man with these attributes will try to prove himself. He's the guy looking for an affair. He's the guy who will cheat. He will run the risk of losing everything just to prove himself a man in his woman's eyes. Then, of course, is the other side of the spectrum : EGO MAN! This guy is a legend in his own mind. He has bought into society's perceived idea of what a man should be, hook, line and sinker. He is a force to be reckoned with. He's the controlling guy. The guy who monitors his woman's every move, her friends, her money and the amount of freedom he is willing to dole out. He is a jealous man. Doesn't even let another man look at his property. But he is not alone. Low confidence man is jealous too! He is afraid  that the guy sitting on the bar stool next to his girl friend is going to snatch her away when he goes to the men's room. A man of true self-confidence has no interest in any of this behavior.

Ever wonder why he doesn't call after that supposedly wonderful first date? Besides being idiots, most men are cowards when it comes to communicating with women. Most are awkward with words and fear saying the wrong thing. He won't call you because in retrospect some minute detail about you has turned him off and he doesn't have the nerve to tell you that he doesn't want to see you again. It's less painful for him to just ignore you. Silly and rude behavior.

By now, most women know that most men are visually stimulated. If they see something appealing to the eye, the little head takes over. This can cause relationship problems down the road. Most men would love their wives or girlfriends to be Miss America beautiful with runway model shapes and porn star techniques in the bedroom. Welcome to the real world. If your husband or boyfriend cares nothing about the aforementioned statement, consider him unique and yourself lucky. He truly loves you for who you are no matter what you look like. He is in a minority. For the rest of the male population who can't handle a woman's physique after childbirth or accept a woman's form as it ages, those men will most likely cheat, avoid sex or limit sex, making a woman's life miserable. There is no viable excuse to be made for this behavior.

Men are almost always in competition with other men. This makes them selfish. This makes them roll over and attempt sleep after three minutes of love making. What? You weren't satisfied? Too bad, it's all about him. The truly confident man feels no need to compete. He doesn't have to have it all. Selfish is not in his vocabulary. He is the man who will spend hours making love to a woman ensuring that she is satisfied too. Ladies, if you have one of these, consider him unique and yourself lucky.

Men are capable of horrific atrocities. They wage war against each other. Men, women and children are all targets. Women need to remember that although men are classified as Homosapiens, they are mammals too. They are animals still evolving. They are primitive. Some have progressed past this and have shown a great capacity for compassion and beauty. All men should aspire to this. But some barely walk erect causing pain and embarrassment to the rest of us. My hope is that one day all men will suddenly realize that there is this wonderful, compassionate, loving, caring, loyal creature next to them who can be their best friend too. A woman.

When it's no longer necessary to speak

The Queens, New York neighborhood that I grew up in during the sixties, easily numbered between 50 and 60 kids. We were an adolescent melting pot consisting of Italians, Germans, Irish, English and Africans. Most of us were second or third generation, and we all spoke English. When we weren’t in school, or confined by inclement weather, we were outside because that’s where everything happened. It would not be uncommon to see thirty kids playing tag or stick ball. We would discuss amongst ourselves all the topics of importance: who had the most baseball cards? Who received a new bike for their birthday? Who knew anything about the birds and the bees? Who wanted to be what when they grew up? Our mothers would stand on their porches and call out for us at dinner time, and after literally inhaling our food, we’d practically tear the screen door off its hinges trying to get back to our friends. The only delay would be the obligatory questions from our parents in regards to our day. Outside, we’d play various games until dark until our numbers started to dwindle as our mothers would once again emerge, yell and depart.
No one feared the outside world. If a stranger ever wandered down our street looking for trouble, a child to prey on, he was met by an undivided front, fearless in the protection of one of its own. If all of our collective parents didn’t know each other by name, you can bet they knew the names of every kid from our block. We were a community. If somebody fell ill, or got caught up in drugs, or was in a family crisis, we cared. There were no secrets. We’d never think twice about gathering at someone’s home to offer our help. We held block parties, birthday parties and sleepovers. Our mothers played cards with each other on Wednesday nights and volunteered their time to be den mothers when we became cub scouts. At night, in our homes, we’d watch television together, laugh together, talk to each other.
Fast forward to today. Seldom do you see children playing outside. A child will spend hours alone with a “Game Boy” or “X-Box” or a “Wii.” And those are not exclusively for children. Adults will not hesitate to do the same. A lot of teenagers have discovered “online gaming,” where many of them can log on to a game screen and using a microphone and an assumed name, can communicate with each other while gunning down various antagonists. All while safely alone in their rooms. I can’t speak for anyone else, but the whole concept just creeps me out.
Today we have Facebook and Myspace where kids and adults volunteer personal information about themselves while silently waiting for someone to come along, notice them and then start to “chat,” letting their keyboards do all the work. The days of, “Tell so and so that I like them,” are gone. So are formal introductions. And then there’s email, which has practically replaced the telephone and the spoken word as the new means of communication. No longer do you have to look someone in the eye and tell them they’re fired. Or, you don’t love them anymore. Or, a loved one has died. You can safely hide behind your keyboard, express any thought or emotion, and never say a word. Today, a conversation between two people using their mouths and ears is almost as outdated as a cassette tape.
How did we ever survive without a cell phone? A marvel of our time. The freedom to talk to virtually anyone, anywhere at anytime and how have we, as thinking mammals with functioning voice boxes exploited its versatility? By “text messaging” each other. Genius! Again, we can sidestep the intimate quality of the human voice and read our messages instead.
There are countless numbers of websites that help you find friends, lovers and trysts. No longer do you have to wash up, dress up, and mosey on down to the local bar, supermarket, bookstore, church, or restaurant to meet someone new. Your keystrokes will break the ice and you can pour your heart out to cyberspace. Granted, for those amongst us who are painfully shy this is a godsend, but there is no substitute for the excitement you feel when you are face to face with someone new, look them in the eye and say, “It’s really nice to meet you!”
My opinion is that the modernized human race is slowly evolving into a species that will eventually come full circle. Thousands of years ago we started out as individuals living in caves with no formal means of verbal communication. Slowly, over time, we learned to speak common sounds that would translate into language. From there we taught each other, shared ideas, and connected with each other. We became a community. But the gameboy and online gaming and dating sites and personal sites and emails and text messaging require little to no oral communication. We can isolate ourselves and not have to speak to each other. All sense of community will be lost. We will revert back to what we were: alone, in our caves typing away as our keyboards do all the talking. I can see it now: I’m ninety, in a nursing home and I’m trying to get an attendant’s attention. My bedpan needs to be emptied, but keyboard is useless because, just my luck, I have arthritic fingers. People, talk to each other!

* Used with permission by The Next 50.

5 things men need to know about women

Men and women are inherently different, hence the term 'opposite sex.'This is no secret nor does it come as a surprise. Exactly how different we are varies from individual to individual but there are some basic truths that can be explored. Women can read men easier than a Dr. Seuss book but when it comes to men trying to figure out women it's like trying to understand 'Atlas Shrugged.'The following are five basic things that men need to know about women.
1)Sense of humor. Guys, did you ever wonder why we can sit for hours and laugh like mental patients at 'The Three Stooges' while women can't flee the room fast enough? Did you think it's because of the way we smell? Something burning on the stove? Nope, none of those. It's simply this: A Woman's brain is more sophisticated when it comes to discerning what is truly funny. Men, who are stimulated more by what is seen with the naked eye will find sight gags, pies in the face, and banana peel slips much more amusing than women. Women prefer their humor more cerebral and below the surface. They are selective and require more than just someone passing wind to elicit a smile. The C.I.A. of humor, if you will.
2) Confidence. There is a silent war being fought every day. Nobody dies and nobody wins. The war is between one woman and every other woman on the planet. Why? Because we've MADE them that way. You can tell a woman she's beautiful until you're blue in the face but she'll still think that you think that every other woman that catches your eye is prettier than her. You can spend years building up her confidence and easily take her to the basement in the blink of an eye. Admire another woman's face or figure too long and she'll feel small enough to crawl under a door. This is the battle that women face every day. How to be taller than, thinner than, tanner than, prettier than, younger than and less wrinkled than the next woman is their goal. Why? Because of what OUR expectations of what a woman should be. Just look around, it's everywhere. Magazine covers, clothing stores, movies, television, all tell them what they should look like and what men want. Men do not have this problem. They can be fat, bald, gray, toothless, hairy and un-employed yet still not have to compete with one another. The playing field is not level.
3)Arousal. A comedian once said, "Women need a reason to have sex;men just need a place!" There is no greater truth in the universe than this. Men, in case you didn't know it, lying there naked in bed with that stupid grin does NOT make your woman hunger for your loins. In fact, it just makes her laugh. For your woman to want you, certain steps have to be taken, needs to be met. First step, first need: the seed that plants the idea of making love has to be planted and for that she needs romance. What is romance? A loving look from your eyes to hers. Your hand gently upon her shoulder. Your fingers through her hair caressing her scalp. A soft, gentle kiss. Pulling her close to you and whispering, "I love you." Picking her up and carrying her into the bedroom (if she hasn't turned to butter by now) then lightly kissing her neck. For her, this is romance. This makes certain juices flow. This waters the seed that has been planted. The rest of this scenario I will leave to the imagination.
4) Shopping. Men shop with a pre-meditated purpose. Get in, buy what they need, get out. Done. Women don't really know what they want but they have a general idea. The problem is they have too many choices. Who can decide? They must try everything on. To see if it fits? Nope. To see if they'll look better in it than the woman next to them.(See # 2 above) The 'sale' is their ultimate goal. To see how much they can get for so little. It's a contest. We men will pay a kings ransom for a tee-shirt but a woman won't spend more than three bucks. It's the principle of the thing.
5)Why they cry for no apparent reason. There are various explanations for this. One is that their clothes are too tight. (see # 2 above) Another possible reason is that their shoes hurt. Men, put on a pair of heels and walk out to the mailbox. See what I mean? Another reason could be that they have gas. Really, think about it: When have you ever heard her pass wind? Never! She must be ready to explode! THAT might explain why they always go to the bathroom in pairs. I think I know why they cry. They are the reproducers of the world. A world in turmoil, run by men. Men who were babies conceived by them. They feel the guilt caused by the world in turmoil. Or maybe it's just that their shoes are too tight!