What NOT to say to your lady -------for men only!

This post is for men only so I'll wait while all the women reading this leave the room. hum....hum...hum...la-de-da....hum....hum.. I think they are all gone now.
Men, and I use the term loosely, listen up. The following advice will help save your life. How many times has your girlfriend/fiance'/wife/boyfriend (I don't discriminate) come home from work in a BADDD mood and you've said the absolutely most wrong thing to say causing that, "I'm going to castrate you in your sleep!" look?? What? I can't hear you with your feet in your mouths. Oh!, that many! Pathetic! The following is what NOT to say AND examples of what TO say to your lady. Now, pay attention.
1) "Yeah? You think you had a bad day, well let me tell you about what happened at.........." Wrong, wrong wrong. Your lady has had a bad day. Any number of things could have gone wrong for her. You have no idea the crap she has to deal with on a daily basis. Right now it's about HER. The last thing she wants to hear is how bad your day was. Usually, a woman will mellow a bit during the ride home and let some steam escape. If she walks through the door with smoke emanating from her eyes, the ride home wasn't long enough. What she needs now is compassion and understanding. Women are emotional creatures with sometimes raging hormones that we as men cannot comprehend. The right thing to say is, "Hi honey, you look like you've had a bad day. If you want to talk about it, I'm here for you" Then, give her a big hug. Now, how hard was that?
2) "Hey, are you going to cook tonight or what?" Bad, bad, bad. Where is your brain? Most working women do not make the same salary as men for performing the same job. They are sometimes expected to "Run get coffee,"Pick out a nice birthday present for my wife" and "so and so is leaving, we need a going away cake." President Lincoln might have freed the slaves but some women are still on parole. The last thing she wants to hear while in this foul mood is if she will be expected to perform one more task. Later on, the chore of cooking dinner for you both might not seem like such a bad request but right now, after proposing the aforementioned request, if she had an UZI, you'd look like Swiss cheese. A few choices of the RIGHT thing to say could be: "You look tired. Should I call for a pizza?" "What say we go to that nice, quiet place where we met for dinner?" And the number one thing you could say is, "How about I cook for you tonight?" Then, get out the candles, put on a Sinatra C.D. and roll up your sleeves. She'll think your body's been inhabited by aliens but you will look like Prince Charming in her eyes.
3) "Man! do I get horny when you're angry!" You'd better hide the knives after that one, Einstein! What are you thinking with, the big head or the little one? You'd better get a clue because a woman's libido and your libido are on two separate planets. The way into a woman's pants is through her mind, but right now her one goal is how to kill you but not stain the carpet. Later on, after you've cooked her dinner and shared a bottle of wine, she might be inclined to jump your bones but right now the cookie jar is sealed with a padlock. There really is no right thing to say. She has to cool down, unwind, de-compress. You want to help in that process? Actions speak louder than words. Find a large piece of paper, draw a 'Happy face' on it and hand it to her. Or, run out into the backyard, grab the first flower you see and hand it to her. Doesn't matter if it's a weed, to her it's just the thought. I hope I've been a help and pass along this information to your dopey friends so as to help them too. Bye.