Whenever I'm feeling sad I can always rely on a quick search of the web to find human interest stories to pick me up and supply a laugh or two. Sometimes three. If I were to merely recount these stories to you without providing a link to them, you might find it hard to believe I am telling the truth. So, I will do so that you may gaze upon the printed words yourself so you will know that I couldn't possibly fabricate such silliness. I have put together five examples of men being the wacky animals that they are in hopes of educating other men not to follow in disoriented footsteps. In plain English, "don't do anymore dumb things."Our first story of men without clues comes from Florida of all places. Florida is a fascinating place to begin with let alone the wealth of stupidity that flows from it. People continue to line the shore with houses that don't mix well with wind and water just to get that even tan. I think Florida should qualify as it's own unique country, because it is definitely different from the rest of us. Case in point: If you are a thirty-seven year old guy named Gregory J. Oras you will never work for a fortune 500 company even if you lived to be as old as "Methuselah." Why? Look, I have nothing against tattoos and freedom of self-expression but when you allow your FACE to be inked, at least choose an illustration that was generated by someone WITH SOME DEGREE OF ARTISTIC TALENT! Oh, and make sure you have adequate lighting and a MIRROR nearby too. But these are the least of his problems. When you make a career defining decision to call 911 from the bar you've been drinking at all day to report that you have been beaten up AND that people are shooting at you, that is not a crime. BUT, when you tell tall tales just because you think that the officers arriving to help you are merely there to supply you with a FREE RIDE to the NEXT BAR, you are going to have some 'splaning to do, LUCY!! Oh, and kicking a Pinellas County sheriff's deputy in the knees is definitely not going to get you that ride. You will though, get a ride to jail. CLICK HERE to see for yourself why you should never design your own tattoos. Let's move on, shall we?
Pet owners are an amazing breed. The lengths they will go to to ensure that their pets are happy and healthy always impresses me. Buy sadly, we can't always be around to protect them from hunger, thirst, flees, natural predators or WACKY ROOMMATES. A 22-year-old Lincoln, Nebraska man named Richard Anderson is just such a roommate. Apparently, he must have been very bored the day that he placed his roommate's cat, "Delilah" into their shared washing machine, for a little SPIN. What a MISTAKE! EVERYBODY knows that cats are capable of washing themselves, and that drying themselves off is where they need some help. He should have put Delilah in the dryer instead. (just kidding......like you weren't thinking the same thing?)
See, this is why YOUTUBE is a dangerous thing. Mr. Anderson videoed Delilah's spin cycle to his cell phone and don't you think his roommate was upset when he found it? Absolutely. Mr. Anderson was cited for animal cruelty. CLICK HERE to see the cleanest cat alive. If you should come home one day to see your cat running in circles, you'll know why.
Say you're a 54-year-old guy living in the sleepy town of Harrisburg and you decide to stroll over to MacEnzi's bar and grill on a Saturday night. No harm in that, right? You have a few beers and chat with the bartender. You have a few more beers and still the bartender is listening attentively. You have yet a few more beers then decide to go home. When you get home you realize that you forgot something and trek on back to the bar 25 minutes later with a beanie pulled over your face. You grab the bank bag containing the evenings cash sales, shove the bartender for good measure and flee. No one will ever know it's you. WRONG! The accommodations at the Linn County jail are nowhere near as nice as MacEnzi's. CLICK HERE to face a third degree robbery charge.
Our next story concerns man and his eternal love of nature. Some guys are just big ole pussycats in disguise like Joel Borden of Clarksville, Tennessee. He's a nature lover yes indeed! One morning while in his kitchen drinking coffee, he is fortunate enough to see a deer roaming through his yard. They are such timid and wondrous creatures aren't they. Surely, Joel can appreciate that. But wait.......this deer seems to be injured, shot by some heartless hunter who doesn't appreciate nature like me, you, and Joel. Joel realizes he must do something and quick. This poor deer may be dying and he has no time to put on his pants, shirt or shoes. No sir, in times like this one's personal comfort must be abandoned. So, Joel races out his back door only in his boxers and sandals, chases the wounded deer into the woods, knocks it unconscious with a TREE LIMB AND SLITS IT'S THROAT. I guess nursing it back to health was not an option. CLICK HERE for some fresh venison.
Our final story of men behaving badly takes us back to (you guessed it) Florida. Throughout history, certain men have come forth to be the great teachers that the rest of society needs. We have looked to these men for guidance, wisdom and answers. That service that men provide is still being observed today. One such pillar of wisdom is 39-year-old Christopher Fred Cady of ST. Lucie county. He came up with a novel idea of how to set an example. Apparently, a boy who received a BB pellet gun for Christmas, shot his autistic cousin with the same gun. No one knows if it was by accident or if the target shaped birthmark atop his cousin's head had any influence over the incident. Nevertheless, Mr. Cady was determined to show the child just how wrong it is to shoot someone. So, Mr. Cady did what any intelligent 39-year-old would have done: He took the pellet gun and shot the kid in the chest to "try and teach him a lesson." Ironically, Mr. Cady was the one who got a lesson. He was charged with cruelty towards a child without great harm and is being held on $500.00 bond. Oh, and to show just how much of a caring adult he is towards children, he was also charged with violating SEX OFFENDER LAWS by failing to report a name or residence change. CLICK HERE to know that we can all sleep better at night knowing someone won't be doing any parenting for awhile.
