Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Help me rid the world of "You know," "Like" and "umm"
There is something that drives me crazy besides trying to figure out why the "Kardashian" women are famous. It's when people incessantly use the fillers, "You know," "Like" and "Umm" while conversing. Umm, like, you know what I'm talking about? You never see people include these words on paper(unless being quoted)so how come they are spoken nonetheless? Because these words are now part of our vocabulary, our culture. We hear everyone else around us using them and so sub-consciously we use them too. And it's only when someone else points out to YOU that you are doing it that you realize it. One afternoon I was sitting in my favorite coffee shop, the one that starts in S and ends in S when I happened to over hear a conversation between a smartly dressed older man and a young woman. They sat right behind me so eavesdropping was unavoidable. After noticing a few "You knows" coming from the young woman who was obviously a college student I started to count them. Sometimes I couldn't count them fast enough which made me laugh, but not loud enough to draw attention to myself. After twenty minutes I had to leave the coffee shop to run an errand but not before counting 157 "You knows" before leaving. I left them there still talking, racking up even more YK's after I left. So what are we to do? You may read this and think me a snobbish intellectual, but I, like others had fallen into the same trap myself. It takes a constant awareness of monitoring my own speech to not utter some YK's. Yet I still slip. Is this a problem on the scale of global warming? No, but habitually using these fillers slows a conversation down, slowly grates on the others involved in the conversation and ultimately makes the user look un-intelligent. The words "You know" and "Like" cannot be stricken from the English language. They still have meaning in the proper context. For example:Do YOU KNOW the way to San Jose'? I would LIKE to take you to bed. There really is no logical need for "Umm" You know?
5 things men need to know about women
Men and women are inherently different, hence the term 'opposite sex.'This is no secret nor does it come as a surprise. Exactly how different we are varies from individual to individual but there are some basic truths that can be explored. Women can read men easier than a Dr. Seuss book but when it comes to men trying to figure out women it's like trying to understand 'Atlas Shrugged.'The following are five basic things that men need to know about women.
1)Sense of humor. Guys, did you ever wonder why we can sit for hours and laugh like mental patients at 'The Three Stooges' while women can't flee the room fast enough? Did you think it's because of the way we smell? Something burning on the stove? Nope, none of those. It's simply this: A Woman's brain is more sophisticated when it comes to discerning what is truly funny. Men, who are stimulated more by what is seen with the naked eye will find sight gags, pies in the face, and banana peel slips much more amusing than women. Women prefer their humor more cerebral and below the surface. They are selective and require more than just someone passing wind to elicit a smile. The C.I.A. of humor, if you will.
2) Confidence. There is a silent war being fought every day. Nobody dies and nobody wins. The war is between one woman and every other woman on the planet. Why? Because we've MADE them that way. You can tell a woman she's beautiful until you're blue in the face but she'll still think that you think that every other woman that catches your eye is prettier than her. You can spend years building up her confidence and easily take her to the basement in the blink of an eye. Admire another woman's face or figure too long and she'll feel small enough to crawl under a door. This is the battle that women face every day. How to be taller than, thinner than, tanner than, prettier than, younger than and less wrinkled than the next woman is their goal. Why? Because of what OUR expectations of what a woman should be. Just look around, it's everywhere. Magazine covers, clothing stores, movies, television, all tell them what they should look like and what men want. Men do not have this problem. They can be fat, bald, gray, toothless, hairy and un-employed yet still not have to compete with one another. The playing field is not level.
3)Arousal. A comedian once said, "Women need a reason to have sex;men just need a place!" There is no greater truth in the universe than this. Men, in case you didn't know it, lying there naked in bed with that stupid grin does NOT make your woman hunger for your loins. In fact, it just makes her laugh. For your woman to want you, certain steps have to be taken, needs to be met. First step, first need: the seed that plants the idea of making love has to be planted and for that she needs romance. What is romance? A loving look from your eyes to hers. Your hand gently upon her shoulder. Your fingers through her hair caressing her scalp. A soft, gentle kiss. Pulling her close to you and whispering, "I love you." Picking her up and carrying her into the bedroom (if she hasn't turned to butter by now) then lightly kissing her neck. For her, this is romance. This makes certain juices flow. This waters the seed that has been planted. The rest of this scenario I will leave to the imagination.
4) Shopping. Men shop with a pre-meditated purpose. Get in, buy what they need, get out. Done. Women don't really know what they want but they have a general idea. The problem is they have too many choices. Who can decide? They must try everything on. To see if it fits? Nope. To see if they'll look better in it than the woman next to them.(See # 2 above) The 'sale' is their ultimate goal. To see how much they can get for so little. It's a contest. We men will pay a kings ransom for a tee-shirt but a woman won't spend more than three bucks. It's the principle of the thing.
5)Why they cry for no apparent reason. There are various explanations for this. One is that their clothes are too tight. (see # 2 above) Another possible reason is that their shoes hurt. Men, put on a pair of heels and walk out to the mailbox. See what I mean? Another reason could be that they have gas. Really, think about it: When have you ever heard her pass wind? Never! She must be ready to explode! THAT might explain why they always go to the bathroom in pairs. I think I know why they cry. They are the reproducers of the world. A world in turmoil, run by men. Men who were babies conceived by them. They feel the guilt caused by the world in turmoil. Or maybe it's just that their shoes are too tight!
1)Sense of humor. Guys, did you ever wonder why we can sit for hours and laugh like mental patients at 'The Three Stooges' while women can't flee the room fast enough? Did you think it's because of the way we smell? Something burning on the stove? Nope, none of those. It's simply this: A Woman's brain is more sophisticated when it comes to discerning what is truly funny. Men, who are stimulated more by what is seen with the naked eye will find sight gags, pies in the face, and banana peel slips much more amusing than women. Women prefer their humor more cerebral and below the surface. They are selective and require more than just someone passing wind to elicit a smile. The C.I.A. of humor, if you will.
2) Confidence. There is a silent war being fought every day. Nobody dies and nobody wins. The war is between one woman and every other woman on the planet. Why? Because we've MADE them that way. You can tell a woman she's beautiful until you're blue in the face but she'll still think that you think that every other woman that catches your eye is prettier than her. You can spend years building up her confidence and easily take her to the basement in the blink of an eye. Admire another woman's face or figure too long and she'll feel small enough to crawl under a door. This is the battle that women face every day. How to be taller than, thinner than, tanner than, prettier than, younger than and less wrinkled than the next woman is their goal. Why? Because of what OUR expectations of what a woman should be. Just look around, it's everywhere. Magazine covers, clothing stores, movies, television, all tell them what they should look like and what men want. Men do not have this problem. They can be fat, bald, gray, toothless, hairy and un-employed yet still not have to compete with one another. The playing field is not level.
3)Arousal. A comedian once said, "Women need a reason to have sex;men just need a place!" There is no greater truth in the universe than this. Men, in case you didn't know it, lying there naked in bed with that stupid grin does NOT make your woman hunger for your loins. In fact, it just makes her laugh. For your woman to want you, certain steps have to be taken, needs to be met. First step, first need: the seed that plants the idea of making love has to be planted and for that she needs romance. What is romance? A loving look from your eyes to hers. Your hand gently upon her shoulder. Your fingers through her hair caressing her scalp. A soft, gentle kiss. Pulling her close to you and whispering, "I love you." Picking her up and carrying her into the bedroom (if she hasn't turned to butter by now) then lightly kissing her neck. For her, this is romance. This makes certain juices flow. This waters the seed that has been planted. The rest of this scenario I will leave to the imagination.
4) Shopping. Men shop with a pre-meditated purpose. Get in, buy what they need, get out. Done. Women don't really know what they want but they have a general idea. The problem is they have too many choices. Who can decide? They must try everything on. To see if it fits? Nope. To see if they'll look better in it than the woman next to them.(See # 2 above) The 'sale' is their ultimate goal. To see how much they can get for so little. It's a contest. We men will pay a kings ransom for a tee-shirt but a woman won't spend more than three bucks. It's the principle of the thing.
5)Why they cry for no apparent reason. There are various explanations for this. One is that their clothes are too tight. (see # 2 above) Another possible reason is that their shoes hurt. Men, put on a pair of heels and walk out to the mailbox. See what I mean? Another reason could be that they have gas. Really, think about it: When have you ever heard her pass wind? Never! She must be ready to explode! THAT might explain why they always go to the bathroom in pairs. I think I know why they cry. They are the reproducers of the world. A world in turmoil, run by men. Men who were babies conceived by them. They feel the guilt caused by the world in turmoil. Or maybe it's just that their shoes are too tight!
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