ADVICE FOR ALL: DON'T MISUSE YOUR COLON.

I am not a Doctor but I am aware of the hazards of not taking care when it comes to certain functions. Misusing or abusing something day in and day out is a recipe for disaster. Not only do you suffer, but those around you who love you and care for you also suffer. Today, considering the ease of accessing volumes of information, I constantly see people misusing and abusing a part of life's daily function: your colon. For those of you who have never seen your colon, here is what it looks like :  I know some of you are thinking, "I've seen that before but I never knew what it did," and you are not alone. Most people have NEVER seen their colon, let alone how to use it properly. On the other hand, some folks use it too often AND incorrectly, causing pain and discomfort for the rest of us. There is over-the-counter literature you can obtain without a prescription which will tell you the correct dosage of your colon. To save time and as a service to all my readers, I will now provide that information. Webster's New World Dictionary describes your colon as such: a mark of punctuation used before a long quotation, explanation, example, series, etc., and after the salutation of a long letter. Some of you may be scratching your heads at this point from all the confusion so I am prepared to demonstrate one proper use of your colon. Example: "Some people say that I am (:) an idiot, a moron, nonsensical and stupid!" There, see how I used my colon to describe myself? Good, let's move on. Your colon can also be used after the salutation of a long letter. Example:
Dear cousin Bruno (:)
I hope you received the five large I sent you to whack my (expletive) wife. That (expletive) woman needs to die, and her (expletive) boyfriend. Don't forget to make it look like an accident. Give your mom and dad a hug and kiss for me,
your cousin so-and-so...
There, see how I used my colon in a letter? All too often people misuse their colon and sometimes confuse it with their semi-colon. Yes, it's true! For those of you who have never seen your semi-colon, here is what it looks like: ;  See how easy it is to confuse the two? Webster's New World Dictionary describes your semi-colon as such: a mark of punctuation indicating a degree of separation greater than that marked by the comma. Boy, is that confusing! I will now attempt to show you an example of how to use your semi-colon:
"I'm sure I have better things to do all day than to sit here and read this nonsense(;) I should just go and whack my cousin's (expletive) wife." There, see how easily I used your semi-colon in a sentence. Don't forget that it takes the place of a comma; and you all know what a comma is: when you go to sleep for a long time and don't wake up. I hope I have been a help. Ray.